Jason Bourne

We saw the latest Jason Bourne movie on Friday. I don’t have anything nice to say about it, so if you’re a die-hard fan who’s not going to believe anything but a positive critique … well, keep reading, I guess. Warning: spoilers.

This movie is nothing but action. I like action movies as much as the next guy, even when they’re a little predictable, or if they don’t have much of a plot, or even if they’ve got a little of both. The latest Bourne movie, which probably has a title but I don’t remember it and can’t be bothered to look up, has practically no plot. Here it is, all of it, unabridged: Julia Stiles returns as Nicky, who steals some files from the CIA. Then she finds Bourne and tells him he has to read the files because something about his father yadda yadda yadda. Then Bourne reads the files. Meanwhile, the CIA tries to kill Bourne,but no matter what they do, they can’t, but Borne can kill them, and does. The end.

Okay, so much for plot. How’s the action? I can’t tell you, because all the action took place in a blur. I could tell when there was a fight going on, but I couldn’t ever tell who was winning the fight and who was in trouble until the fight was over. Same with the car chase and the motorcycle chase. Lots of blurry action, no idea what was happening until it was over. So frustrating.

And I don’t even know why Matt Damon was in this movie, considering how little they asked him to do in the way of acting. Same goes for Julia Stiles, for that matter.

I spent a lot of money to see this movie. The tickets were not cheap, and we went to a theater where a waiter came to our seats, took our food order and served us. It should have been really awesome, but sadly the food was as disappointing as the movie, so I’m kind of bitter about the whole experience.

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