Category: daily drivel
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biggest damn load of whites ever
One big-ass load of whites. Possibly the biggest ever. The wash machine is making noises like an old guy straining on the toilet. Hey, I warned you I was going to do this. You thought I was kidding? Read.
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goddamn laundry hamper
So, this is our goddamn laundry hamper. I used to think of it as our magical laundry hamper because, no matter how much we took out of it to stuff into the wash machine, when we came back it was still just as full as before. But that’s not magical, is it? “Magical” is fun.… Read.
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night off
I just wanted to note here that we did not drink beer tonight. Rocks your world, I know, but we needed a night off from Madison Craft Beer Week to recharge our batteries and get ready for the weekend. We’re not spring chickens any more, y’know. My Darling B commanded grilled ham & cheese sandwiches… Read.
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great big cosmic f u
I like to ride my bike to work, but I’ve always been a little skittish about it. I’m a fair-weather cyclist. I’ll ride when it’s sunny and warm out, but when the sky’s overcast, or the weatherman’s calling for more than a thirty percent chance of rain, I opt for the dry, warm safety of… Read.
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so buff
Funniest question I heard all day: “Do you work out?” Oh, dude! Just because I’m skinny, you think I’m in shape? You cannot conceive of just how out of shape I am. I am so out of shape that amoebas think they’ve met me before. “But when you were in the Air Force, you were… Read.
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bags! of cash!
Here’s a headline you just can’t ignore: “Karzai’s Office Gets Bags Full of C.I.A. Cash” (the online version of the story is headlined “With Bags of Cash, C.I.A. Seeks Influence in Afghanistan,” which isn’t nearly as eye-catching, if you ask me). That’s not hyperbole: For more than a decade, wads of American dollars packed into… Read.
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aarp
My Darling B laughed when I got my first offer for a membership card to AARP. “That means you’re officially old,” she said. She wasn’t laughing when she got her first AARP card in the mail last night, though. “Those bastards! I’ve got a whole month left!” was all she could say. Read.
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up and at em
One o’clock wakey-wakey this morning. Cats were prowling around, so that might have had something to do with it. For a few minutes, their mad scramble around the house sounded a lot like they were chasing down a mouse, so I stumbled around for a while looking for the corpse but found nothing. When I… Read.
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snow-free
The snow is gone, I’m happy to report. I went for a long walk yesterday on my lunch break and the only snow I saw was those big piles that get heaped up along the edges of parking lots by the guys with the snow plows on their pickup trucks, but it doesn’t even look… Read.
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headless
Is there a movie in which Jack Nicholson gets his head sawn off? Because I just had a dream that was an extended movie trailer for the sequel. In the original movie, Jack got his head sawn off while performing some rather questionable services. He appeared to be hiding under a pile of wet leaves… Read.
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