Category: random idiocy
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lyric
aw, shit. It’s “come on, eileen tah loo rye yay,” not “come on, eileen tah roo lah ray.” I’ve been singing it wrong all these years. So embarrassing. Read.
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egg noodles
My Darling B sent me out to get egg noodles. I don’t know what egg noodles are. “They’re wide and flat and curly,” she explained. “They’re flat and curly?” “Yes. They’re flat. But they’re curly.” I couldn’t even imagine what that looked like. “How wide are they? An inch wide? Three-quarters of an inch?” “They’re… Read.
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distribution
I’m grateful that legal holidays are mostly on Mondays and Fridays to give us long weekends. Now can we work on the way they’re distributed across the calendar? We’ve got a holiday at the end of September, another at the end of December, one at the beginning of January and another two weeks later in… Read.
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mulligan
“Would you live your life over again if you could?” I get that I’m supposed to say “yes” as a way of expressing the feeling that I have no regrets, but this is a dumb question no matter how you slice it. If I could live my life over but I wouldn’t know that I… Read.
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loaf
I had to stop at Kwik-Trip this morning to gas up the car. The sign out front said they were selling a loaf of bread for seventy-nine cents, which I’m pretty sure is about what my mom paid for bread back in the late 70s. The cost of baking bread hasn’t gone down in fifty… Read.
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pickup
“It used to be that if I dropped something, I just bent over and picked it up. Now, I stop and think about how to pick it up. Is there something I can grab hold of, or lean on? Is it even worth the effort of picking it up? Maybe I should just leave it… Read.
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life skills
Random recollection: My mom told me she wanted to teach me and my brother some basic housekeeping skills: cooking, cleaning, that sort of thing. Dad wouldn’t allow it, apparently because it was women’s work. Fast-forward a couple years: I was living on my own in an apartment in England. I had to call my mother… Read.
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yikes
I woke myself up this morning by stretching a little too far, giving myself a leg cramp that was like lighting all up and down my left leg. Twelve hours later it still hurts a bit. Pro tip: If you can possibly avoid it, don’t point your toes when you stretch. Read.
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guys not guys
I don’t know why I care about this, but I do: Why do we say “Hi, Guys!” when we’re talking to a bunch of men and women? There’s no way that works in reverse: You would almost never walk into a room and say “Hi, Gals!” if men were present, unless you wanted to make… Read.
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hacked
My Darling B’s Twitter account was hacked! She sat down on Tuesday afternoon to see what manner of madness befell the world and discovered that someone had logged into her account and posted a few hundred tweets extolling the greatness of a particular brand of cryptocurrency. After several failed attempts to log in, she finally… Read.
