We heard an advertisement on the radio this morning from a local “health clinic” for a procedure they called a “laser peel,” which I had to google as soon as I got home to see if it’s a real thing.
It is. Real people really pay real money to have a “health clinician” point a LASER at their FACE on PURPOSE!
Here’s how one of the web sites you probably visit to see if your mildest symptoms are your worst nightmares describes it:
Laser resurfacing is a treatment to reduce facial wrinkles and skin irregularities, such as blemishes or acne scars. The technique directs short, concentrated pulsating beams of light at irregular skin, precisely removing skin layer by layer. This popular procedure is also called lasabrasion, laser peel, or laser vaporization.
I have believed, pretty much since birth, that lasers are about the coolest thing scientists ever came up with. I have also always believed there are some people in clean, white coats who use lasers in ways that are, at best, sketchy. Like the guys who propose shooting lasers into my eyes with the less-than-ironclad promise that I’ll be able to see more clearly for an unspecified length of time after the procedure.
Peeling me like a freaking onion is likewise one of the sketchy uses of a laser that I will never voluntarily submit to.
Did you catch the part where they referred to a laser as “short, concentrated pulsating beams of light,” which is technically correct but makes it sound as mundane as a disco ball when it is, in fact, A FREAKING LASER.
I can think of a lot of ways to use a laser that I would describe with the words “laser vaporization,” and the only ones that involve pointing a laser at anybody’s face are also coincidentally war crimes.
This Is Drivel 