I’m seeing a whole lot of dumb shit about Santa on the internet:
Worst was a explanation for how Santa visits so many houses in a single night. Explanation included a lot of noise about velocity and crap you would have heard in physics class if you’d been paying attention. (Props to anybody who was awake and did pay attention. Wish I’d been one of you.) This is a dumbshit thing to say because SANTA IS MAGICAL. He does not travel from house to house at any speed. He squeezes his fat old elf butt and his magical sack of presents down your chimney no matter how small it is. He lingers long enough to carefully stack the presents under the tree and stuff them in the stockings and eat the cookies and drink the milk everybody leaves out for him, and then he levitates up the chimney by laying a finger aside his nose. And he does that in every single house where children believe in Santa at exactly the same time: MIDNIGHT. Can’t convince me there’s no magic involved in that.
A local sheriff’s office will track Santa across Wisconsin, starting at nine o’clock this evening. What? Who doesn’t know Santa comes to your house at midnight? Duh.
NORAD continues to claim they can track Santa. Using what, exactly? Like radar bounces off a magical elf? I don’t think so.