For whatever reason, all the cats see me as The Chosen One when it comes time to feed them. There are two hairless apes in this house and we both have working, opposable thumbs, but I’m the one the cats circle and paw at when they’re hungry. The only time they bother My Darling B is when she’s here and I’m not.

Add to that, when they come begging for food first thing in the morning, I’m the one who feeds them by default because I’m the light sleeper. I can’t just sleep through their crying and pawing at the door the way My Darling B can. I wish I had that super power, but I don’t. They’re outside the bedroom door, whining and scratching, a noise I can’t block out even if I wrap my head up in both my pillows. Meanwhile, B is blissfully snoring away. Is it possible to hate the one you love for just one thing they do? Because if it is, this would be that thing.

So this morning at oh dark thirty they gathered in the hallway outside our bedroom door to start crying and pawing, and once again I got up to feed them because it’s either that or lay in bed in the dark, imagining Rube Goldberg devices that will drop anvils from the ceiling on their heads with the pull of a string.

The youngest little troublemaker can’t keep his face out of the other cats’ food, which makes them really grumpy, so he gets fed by himself in a separate room where we can dish out his kibble and lock the little glutton in. I let him into his room, grabbed the Tupperware with his kibble in it off the shelf, scooped out a breakfast-sized portion, and I must’ve bumped the Tupperware when I turned to put the scoop back in because it tipped over and fell to the floor before my groggy brain could even think about grabbing it.

Luckily for me it landed on an improvised cat bed, really a laundry basket with a pillow and a bath towel in it. If it had hit the floor, the kibble would have exploded all over the room. Instead, the bath towel caught most of the kibble so I could scoop it back into the Tupperware, but about a cup of it was scattered across the floor. For a couple of minutes, the kitten ran around like a kid in the front room on Christmas morning, snorfling up kibble. He’s probably going to remember this as one of the greatest days of his life for years to come.