The song stuck in my head this morning is the Bobby Goldsboro version of “Watching Scotty Grow.” I loved this song when I was a kid and would crank up the volume whenever I was lucky enough to catch it on the radio. They just didn’t play it often enough for me back then.

As for now, the song is so insipidly sweet that it makes me want to piss granulated sugar. I’ll have to rinse my ears out with the theme song from Gilligan’s Island from now until sundown to start feeling normal again.