Hello, and welcome to “Rhetorical Phrases That Have Got to DIE!” Today’s Phrase: “The American People don’t approve of the direction in which the country is heading.”

Hey, American People, guess what? The country is a vast blacktop of rock oozing up from a gash in the earth near Iceland, and it’s unstoppably headed toward a gash in the earth on the Pacific Coast line, where it will be CRUSHED AND SWALLOWED BY THE EARTH! And it doesn’t give a wet slap whether or not you approve.

Wait, that’s not what you meant by that empty, rhetorical phrase?

One comment

  1. The Seanster · June 14, 2012

    Well, now, we clearly must not allow this great nation to be consumed by the something so extremist and un-American as the geologic forces of the Earth.

    I believe that as patriotic Americans, we must unite to fight this tectonic menace to our essential freedoms and way of life. The various GOP-controlled governorships and legislatures should pass legislation, officially outlawing continental drift.

    Meanwhile, the Obama administration can make pleasant noises about fostering peace through mutual understanding with the Pacific Ocean tectonic plate, while drawing up a “kill list” of militant geologists and Pacific Islander terrorists to be murdered by remote-control drone.

    Don’tcha just love modern American “democracy”?


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