The temperature this morning is zero. We have no temperature. This is Wisconsin. At least once each winter, we’re not allowed. I hear that, farther north, they take away temperature as soon as the snow flies and don’t give it back until July or so. Here in the land of cheddar we’re a bit luckier than that, but only by a tiny margin. Today, we will not go outside except to walk from our homes to our cars, then from our cars to the places where we work. We will have to cover every square inch of skin with fleece and wear big, poofy, down-filled jackets that make us all look like ambulatory hand grenades. We will have to take very shallow breaths when we step out of our cars or suffer the surprising pain of frozen nostril hairs, as bad as an ice cream headache. And we will all greet each other with the phrase, “MAN! It’s COLD out there today, isn’t it?” or some variation thereof.

Happy Zero Day.