Wednesday, October 12th, 2011

I bought a coffee pot from a guy on e-bay. Well, no, wait. If I say I’ve bought a coffee pot, you might assume I gave the guy money and he sent me a coffee pot. You might even assume I now possess a coffee pot. I do not and, as far as I know, he did not. So let me start over:

I saw a coffee pot on e-bay that I wanted, so I bid on it, and won, and paid the seller. Then I did the UPS equivalent of waiting by the mail box – every evening after supper, I punched the tracking number into the UPS web site to see where my coffee pot was. The first time I checked, UPS told me the label had been printed but they still hadn’t taken delivery of the package. The next evening, same thing. And the next evening. And the next.

On the day after the seller said I could expect to take delivery of the coffee pot, I logged in to e-bay and asked the seller something like, Hi, I bought a coffee pot from you last week and I still don’t have it. He answered (the typos are all his):

I shipped it
On the 28th of sept contact ups thank you and I’m sorry for any inconvienence ups has caused u

If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear he was saying, “Oh hey, sorry UPS screwed up, sucks to be you, IT’S NOT MY FAULT!”

But I figured, give the man the benefit of the doubt; maybe he really did send it and the UPS tracking system just doesn’t realize it’s out there. That could happen, right? Sure, it could.

My Darling B, who isn’t the kind of obtuse, delusional goober I am, took matters into her own hands and contacted UPS customer service to find out what she could. While I was sitting on my hands, they told her that, although a label was printed by the seller on September 28th, UPS never took delivery of the package.

Three or four days after I was supposed to have my coffee pot, I wrote back to the seller:

“I contacted UPS and they told me they received electronic transmission of package data from the shipper on Sept 29th, but the package was not physically picked up from the shipper’s location. Please let me know whether you intend to ship the item, or refund my money.”

And then, just to cover my bases, I opened a case file with e-bay. I had no idea whether that would be worth my time or not, but I wanted it on record that I was working out this little problem with the seller. But that’s not the way the seller saw it:

I already told u this is ups’ fault I shipped it for sure y would I lie now ur just blowing things outs proportion I’m trying to make a living and support my kids and ur trying to destroy my ebay account by opening cases for no reason we could have resolved this ourselves

Dude. A little punctuation? And what’s with the leet speak? Your signature block says, “Sent from my smart phone.” How smart can it be if it doesn’t help you spell “you’re” correctly?

I never called him a liar, and I wasn’t interested in destroying his e-bay account. I just wanted my new coffee toy. “I don’t see why this can’t be resolved,” I wrote back. ”It should be a very simple matter for you to contact UPS, show them your receipt and get them to find out what happened to the item after they took delivery from you.”

His answer:

Well I printed the label online And in my small town the ups store doesn’t open till 430 pm to 630 pm but the doors are always open so I just drop the pakages off and never have a problem I guess I will probably end up having to give u a refund I was just trying to wait and see if it was gonna come or not u didn’t have to open a case so abruptly I was responding and trying to help resolve the problem when u open a case on someone it goes against their performance and eligability for top rated seller I sell a lot of different items ranging from $10 to $2000 sometimes and have not nor do I intend to rip anyone off for a measily 20 bucks I just wish that in the future u learn to give the seller a chance before taking to extremes

At this point My Darling B lost her patience with Mister Measily 20 Bucks and answered: “I think the best way to resolve this is for you to refund my payment, including shipping charges.” A “measily” twenty bucks must have been more than he was willing to part with because we haven’t heard from him since. I think we’ll give him until Friday before we torpedo his flawless 100% e-bay rating with an unsatisfactory review.

measly 20 bucks | 6:34 pm CST
Category: coffee, daily drivel, food & drink, My Darling B, O'Folks, play, story time
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