I just got back from a run to the local hardware store and I mention it not so you can tally another hash mark in the notebook you’re using to keep track of my hardware-buying habits, but because there’s a Denny’s restaurant right next door and someone in the kitchen had burnt the toast. That characteristically overpowering odor was unmistakable. And it was still hanging over the parking lot when I came back out ten minutes later.

Ever since then I’ve been wondering: How many slices of toast do you have to burn to stink up an entire parking lot for more than ten minutes? More than two, I’m thinking. Denny’s probably doesn’t use a toaster to make toast, right? They probably load up a big wire rack with a whole loaf of bread and shove it into an oven, or something like that, so some poor schmuck was probably in there getting smacked around the head by the manager for burning up a loaf of bread or two and making the place smell like hell.

I wonder how he didn’t set off the fire alarm?