And now, time for Ask An Atheist:

Q: How can you have any morals if you don’t believe in god?

A: For many years I’ve heard atheists dance around this question, claiming they can form their own perfectly respectable moral codes using logic or ethics or other rhetoric that sounds actually kinda plausible.

But here, for the first time, I’ll let you in on a little secret that atheists admit to each other: It turns out it’s definitively impossible to have any kind of valid morals without divine guidance. Self-control goes right out the window the moment you veer from belief in a divine being.

Just as an example, I myself strangle four or five, sometimes even six puppies a week, for no good reason at all. Whenever one runs up to me, tail wagging, and I have to choose between petting or strangling them, I often choose petting them, but it’s a coin flip because of the aforementioned lack of belief. Even though they won’t let me anywhere near the dog park now I still lack the moral guidance to pet the puppy every time. It’s appalling but there’s nothing I can do.

And that’s just one small way my life is affected because I have no moral compass. Just don’t even ask me to babysit for you.