The other day I got an e-mail from a customer who informed me that a Mister Acostki told her supervisor such-and-such a thing, and I got all the way to the end of the paragraph before I realized that “Mister Acostki” was me! That’s the first new and amusing spelling of my name I’ve seen in years! I’ve been Onkowski for as long as I can remember, Akinski to my drill sergeant, Okanaki when I was overseas, and I even got a letter addressed to “Mr. O Ki,” but for at least the past five years, maybe even ten, I haven’t seen or heard anything that wasn’t just a variation on an old theme: Kinski instead of Akinski, or Otkowski instead of Onkowski, that kind of thing.

But Acostki is something new. When you say it out loud it sounds so close, yet when it’s written down it’s so completely wrong! And I had to write it down, so I could add it to my collection. I even briefly considered awarding a prize to the guy who thought it up, but then decided, No, that would set a dangerous precedent. It’s fun to get these by accident, but I can’t affort to encourage anyone into thinking this is a contest.