Month: December 2010
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Refrigerator
All I remember of last night’s dream is the end of it: I was walking home with a friend from my job as a cartoonist for a Chicago newspaper. He dropped me off at my apartment building before continuing on to his. My building was an almost featureless black cube about ten stories high that… Read.
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Prezzies!
We opened presents last night because I couldn’t wait any longer. The kids aren’t as jazzed about Christmas as they were when they were wee little bugs, but I was so excited about seeing My Darling B open the prezzie I got for her that I knew I’d pee my pants if I had to… Read.
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Goats Ate My Kid!
I don’t know why they puts goats in petting zoos, do you? Goats are pretty creepy-looking animals. They’re kind of skeletal with all those bony bumps, they’ve got demon eyes, and they’re always jerking around as if their own personal invisible devil is jabbing them up the behind with a sharpened, flaming stick. Yeh, let’s… Read.
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Pedicure
I pulled all my toenails off last night. [Heads-up for Sean: This was in a dream. I didn’t really.] I stepped out of the shower and, as I was drying off, I noticed that my toenails urgently needed a trimming, so I sat my butt down on the edge of the tub and carefully clipped… Read.
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Markup
As previously mentioned in this drivel, I’ve kept myself busy all freaking week doinking around with the html markup for each year’s drivel pages, and I think I may finally be done. There’s a certain amount of unsuredness because there are just so many pages to format, but everything looks right even though I’m still… Read.
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The Spirit of Giving
As soon as I heard the buzz of hundreds of people talking as if they were reading from a script in the background, I regretted picking up the phone. “Hi there, is this Dave?” the caller asked. He didn’t know me, but he had been doing this so long that he could sound as if… Read.
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Hitch
I was driving through Carmel, California one afternoon when I came to an intersection where I had to stop at a light. A guy on the corner getting ready to cross was watching me the way a dog stares at you when you’re holding a biscuit in the air. I guessed he was waiting to… Read.
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Nerd-O-Riffic
What a great day! Wake up, check the clock to see how much time I’ve got left before the alarm starts bleeping, realize the alarm isn’t going to do any bleeping today, shove the cat off the part of the bed that used to be mine, curl up in the warm spot and close my… Read.
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A ding on the loop
My very first car was a ’69 Volkswagen microbus nicknamed “Warbaby.” I bought it for five hundred bucks from a hippy who threw in his battered copy of John Muir’s book, “How to Keep Your Volkswagen Alive: A Manual of Step by Step Procedures for the Compleat Idiot.” The pages were already dog-eared and smeared… Read.
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Together again
And the whole family’s home once again. I drove out to the airport with T-Dawg last night to pick up the Seanster, who somehow arrived so close to his originally scheduled time as to make no difference. I only mention that because the guy’s been haunted by a modern-day travel curse that makes it impossible… Read.
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