I pulled all my toenails off last night. [Heads-up for Sean: This was in a dream. I didn’t really.] I stepped out of the shower and, as I was drying off, I noticed that my toenails urgently needed a trimming, so I sat my butt down on the edge of the tub and carefully clipped the ends off each and every toenail with my honking big toenail clippers, starting with the big toe and working my way down the row to the pinky toe. The clipped-off nails didn’t go sailing away like they usually do, they just hung there, so when I was done trimming I grabbed one corner of the big toenail and gently tugged, and that’s when each and every toenail came off. The big one was connected to the next one, and so on right down the line. All that was left on my toes were little broken-off stumps that looked like the ends of well-chewed toothpicks. I sat there gawping at the row of toenails dangling from between my thumb and forefinger until the chiming clock in the living room woke me up.