Saturday, October 23rd, 2010

I have stinky cheese farts right now that would make your eyes water more copiously than a fresh-cut Vidalia onion. Today’s big event was a visit to the Madison Food and Wine Show. It’s about what it sounds like, except that they don’t just show you food and wine, they let you eat the food and drink the wine, and most of the food they offer you is cheese. This is Wisconsin, after all.

You’d think that if a guy like me, who is gastronomically predisposed to turn any kind of dairy product into noxious fumes and a quick trip to the bathroom, was going to visit a wine and cheese show, he would stuff his pockets with lactase pills, wouldn’t you? That ought to be at the front of my mind the whole morning I’m getting ready to go, right? And I did think about it once or twice but, because my mind works in ways that have been and will forever remain mysterious to me, I forgot about my pills the minute I got into the car, where there’s a whole box of them stashed in the console between the seats, and didn’t remember them again until five minutes after I’d gotten out of the car and Tim drove away in it.

I ate the cheese anyway. I couldn’t go to a wine and cheese festival and not eat cheese. How could I call myself a son of Bucky Badger and hold my head up? So, to lessen its impact, I stayed away from cheeses that weren’t aged, and I tried to moderate it by munching on plenty of other snacks. I’ve never noticed before that this helps much, but we all create our little worlds of denial, don’t we? This is mine.

Luckily we didn’t stay all day, leaving at about four o’clock, well before the deleterious effects of gobbling up all those dairy products began to announce me as a danger to others. Only My Darling B would know just how bad it got, and she took me to the show so I figure she ought to live with the aftereffects without complaint. Dutch oven tonight!

Cheese Farts | 6:45 pm CDT
Category: food & drink | Tags: ,
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