Category: daily drivel
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stalking
Notice anything missing? I didn’t, until I got to work yesterday. It was like that dream where you’re in a big crowd of people and you suddenly realize you’re wearing nothing but underwear. My coworkers were very understanding about it. All day long as I padded around the office I expected somebody to say something… Read.
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Duncan Lee Hunter
Duncan Hunter, Republican representative from California and proud to be a Marine, doesn’t want transgendered hermaphroditic gays and lesbians (well, maybe lesbians would be okay) wantonly peeping at his wee-wee. He only wants that ‘special bond’ that exists in ‘very close situations’ in military life, and says so in no uncertain terms in the interview… Read.
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bauble
It is an ashtray, but I haven’t taken up smoking. It’s an ashtray exactly like one my parents had for years and years. For all I know, Mom might still have it. Or, this might be that very ashtray. I was wandering the aisles of Saint Vincent de Paul’s thrift store on Willy Street when… Read.
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monster
Here’s a photo for my Mom, who’s a little worried about me using a table saw. See that gadget in the middle of the board? That’s actually three separate gadgets, two of them made out of cold steel, that have the sole function of keeping my fingers away from the blade. I’m not saying it’s… Read.
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waiting room
I keep finding these guys here in the morning, just sitting, like this, as if they’re waiting for something. They can’t be waiting in line for the bathroom. We have two cat pans and two cats. There is no line, ever. All I can think is, they’re doing that spooky cat thing where they sit… Read.
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how to buy my vote
Tennessee Senator Lamar Alexander said on NPR this morning that everyone who paid taxes last year ought to receive stock in General Motors in order to get the federal government “out of the automobile business.” This is what’s wrong with the federal government. Dorkwads like Alexander think we want them to shower us with shit.… Read.
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sixth grade
This is me in grade six. Second row, second from the right, next to Linda Kons. What really freaks me out about this photo, after the hair (have I always needed a haircut?), is that I’m pretty sure I remember almost everybody’s name. Starting from the upper left: Judy Wiesner, Wendy Pohlman, Pete O’Brien, Mary… Read.
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cheese!
Remember photo booths? Plunk a buck and a half’s worth of quarters in the slot, climb into the crowded booth with every single one of the people you were out drinking with and poke each other in the eye while the flash went off at the worst-timed moments. Three minutes later the machine barfed up… Read.
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biomutants
I am me. He is Rick. The other he is Jim. We are the Biomutants. We’re wearing pillow cases for shirts. I made the emblems by cutting a stencil out of card paper and spray painting the designs on. With spray paint. From a can. I don’t know what we were supposed to be about,… Read.
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tangled
My Darling B had a bad dream the other night. She dreamed that she woke up and saw somebody standing in the doorway. It was one of those dreams where she knew she was dreaming, and she knew that if she called out to me I’d wake her up and everything would be all right,… Read.
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