I think I’ve got this figured out now: The Mayan-predicted end of time, space and dimension will begin with a record snowfall that will force us all to retreat to our houses. The snow will knock out the electricity, shutting down our furnaces and, worst of all, disconnecting us from Facebook. I imagine that the end will come for a few desperate souls who will wander the streets looking for a wifi signal and freeze to death, but I imagine most will perish frozen in their beds. Those who survive this night will have to resort to cannibalism, only to wake up the morning of 12/21/12 to watch the dreaded rogue planet Nibiru caroom off the edge of the moon and head straight for Earth.

Either that, or the endless Christmas songs playing on the radio will force us all to seek the blessed silence of death by bashing our own brains out with our fists. I could see it happening either way.