The president is a lizard. Not in the metaphorical sense, like being cold-blooded as a way of saying he coolly calculates his political moves, or he blends in with the background, or he’s shifty or whatever else it is lizards are. He’s an actual, two-legged lizard.

This is no big secret. Many, many people with lots of time on their hands have devoted thousands of hours to blowing up grainy photographs of the president to prove his body’s been taken over by lizards. Everybody on the internet knows it, but don’t believe me – google it for yourself. I guarantee, it’ll open your eyes.

Outside the internet, I’m not sure how many people are aware of this. I know I was clueless until My Darling B ran across a video that proved a reptilian had been implanted in Obama’s brain and shared it with me. I tell you, after watching that video I became a firm believer that some truly batshit people walk this planet.

Not that I wasn’t aware of that before. I was, but it was a dim awareness, as though I could sense movement in a dark room without knowing what was out there. It wasn’t until I met my first moon-landing-hoaxers that I had came face-to-face with folks who had great big walnuts where their brains should have been. I didn’t even know there were people out there who thought the moon landings were faked until I met these guys, and even as they tried to enlighten me I thought at first they were just having some good-natured fun, but when it finally became apparent they weren’t kidding around, I was absolutely gobsmacked. Literally. My gob, she felt well and truly smacked.

When I finally recovered and asked them why they thought anybody would have faked a moon landing, they quickly ticked off what I had to admit were some very reasonable arguments: The technology wasn’t up to it. Nobody knew how to navigate in space. The radiation in space would kill humans. And then there were the not-so-reasonable arguments: Even if it were possible to use the available technology to fly in space, they learned to navigate from earth to the moon in a few short years, and they found a way to shield the astronauts from the radiation, they still would have crashed into the giant celestial sphere that surrounds the earth. I love it how conspiracy theorists always get around to throwing in at least one thing that is totally insane.

Or, in the case of the lizard president, just the one idea is insane.