Your cat doesn’t love you, and I can prove it.

“Oh, yes he does,” you protest. “He’ll sit in my lap and purr for as long as I keep petting him.”

Tell you what: Go out to your favorite local pet store and buy a heated cat bed for your cat, then get back to me in a week and tell me how much time he’ll spend in your lap. Or don’t, if you don’t want to learn the awful truth that he’s not there for your love, he’s there to steal as much of your body heat as you’ll allow.