I walked home from the office yesterday, just to see if I could still use my legs for more than a mile or two at a stretch. As it turned out, I can. But it also turned out that, when I got home, I had to put my feet up on the recliner for twenty minutes or so and refresh my constitution with the help of a cold beer.

Walking is one of those things I assume I can do no matter how flabby I’ve let myself get or far I have to go, because it’s just walking, right? It’s not a stretch to think that. I do it all the time. I even tell myself sometimes that I probably walk five miles every day up and down the corridors of the office building where I work, because I’m a deluded maroon.

It’s about five miles from the office where I work, over hill and dale to Our Humble O’Bode in Monona. Five miles isn’t that far, I figured. How hard could it be?

I walked through the Willy Street neighborhood, then over the Yahara River into the part of town called Schenk’s Corner on Atwood Avenue. I was doing just fine as I strode down the hill on Atwood Avenue past Olbrich Gardens, but right about the time I reached the East Side Club I knew I was going to have a problem soon.

Here’s the thing: On Willy Street, and all along Atwood Avenue, there are ample places to stop for a cup of coffee or a sandwich and, not incidentally, to use the conveniences that come with places like that. Once you round the corner past Olbrich Park, though, and head south toward Monona, there are almost none of those places. The East Side Club wasn’t open yet, and I’m lactose intolerant, so popping into Michael’s Frozen Custard would have been awkward. I’m the kind of guy who feels it’s only polite to buy something to go if I stop at a store to use the bathroom. It’s not like I can slip a cone topped with soft ice cream into my bag. I had to hold out until I got as far as Cottage Grove Road, where I could duck into Java Cat and buy a bottle of orange juice before discreetly slipping into the rest room.

That made me feel a little better, for a little while. I was definitely starting to feel a little fatigued as I headed up Monona Drive toward the Lakeshore Mall. It had taken about forty-five minutes to get that far, and I figured I would be able to walk five miles in about an hour and a half, so I should have been about halfway home. It was a long, uphill slog past the San Daminano priory to the top of the hill where the Monona Grove High School stands. I was so flushed by the time I got there that I had to open my jacket.

It was getting dark by the time I got as far as Dean Avenue and the home stretch down Monona Drive. It takes me only ten minutes or so to walk home from there when I go that route on my daily morning stroll. Yesterday my time was more on the “or so” side of the estimate. My legs were going numb, I could feel the tendons in the heels of my feet throbbing with every step, and I had a nagging cramp in my right pinkie toe. I wasn’t even aware the pinkie toe had usable muscles in it.

As I turned down Frost Woods Avenue and covered the last three blocks between my tired body and a big, comfy chair, I realized I didn’t have a set of house keys. They’re on the ring with the car keys, which was in My Darling B’s handbag – not a problem when I normally wait for her to pick me up after work, but a problem when I decide to walk home on the spur of the moment. It took me a little while but I did finally figure out how to get into the house without a key. I’ll have to make sure that gets fixed.