Today at the office we had a pot luck that was all snacks, the kind of snacks you’d eat while watching a football game, in honor of the super bowl. I brought mixed nuts. It’s a no-fuss snack. All I had to do was put them in a container that I could seal up so they wouldn’t end up all over the bottom of my bag.

My Darling B, always looking out for me, stopped me on the way out and asked, “Where did you put your nuts?” Twenty-one years of marriage and she somehow hasn’t learned that, when she hands me a straight line like that one, I have no choice but to grab my crotch. Was I wrong?