AARP sends me an invitation to join their club about once a month and, to show they really mean it, they enclose a thick, plastic – but fake – AARP membership card. Some day I’ll stop shredding these things, but today, it’s confetti.

I think because I’m officially retired from the Air Force, the Aid Association for Retired Persons thinks I just sit in the front room in my rocking chair reading dime novels all day while I wait for the mail carrier to bring me another one of their trial membership cards.

The most useful thing I can do with them right now is keep the teeth on my shredder sharp, because they’re too thick for bookmarks.