Hard as life must be for Richard “Shoe Bomber” Reed, who got pinned with the dumbest terrorist nickname ever, not to mention that goofy photo, no amount of away time and psychoanalysis is going to let Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab live down the sobriquet “Underwear Bomber.” That’s gotta suck.

Let’s listen in to Fox News Network as they discuss terrorism with Joe Lieberman. These guys got all the answers, I’m tellin’ ya.

Fox guy: “This guy was able to get through security in Nigeria…”

Huh, I wonder how hard that is? Maximum security at American airports is, they make us take our shoes off and confiscate our shampoo. I’m thinking they’re probably not checking underpants in Nigeria.

Fox guy: “…got on this plane with this high explosive, PETN .. does that mean the terrorists are coming up with new weapons that can defeat our technology?”

Lieberman: “Richard Reed had a similar device on him eight years ago …’

So, no.

Lieberman: “A terrorist from Yemen went into Saudi Arabia with this same explosive and blew himself up … only slightly injured Prince Mohammed bin Naiev.”

The shoe bomber utterly failed to blow up an airliner, the underpants bomber failed to blow up an airliner, and there’s this other guy who failed to blow up the Saudi counterterrorism chief … if I was the Quaeda quartermaster, I’d take that lot of plastic explosives back to the factory and threaten to blow myself up if they didn’t give my laundered money back. That’d get a few laughs, I bet. “What are you gonna do, blow up your underpants at us?”

Lieberman: “The 9/11 happened because of a failure of imagination. We could not imagine that people could do what they did.”

Because it would be just impossible to imagine driving an airplane into a building a thousand feet tall. How would that even occur to a sane person? Just unimaginable.

[Oh, Joe, did you really say “the 9/11”? Thank you, thank you so much.]

Lieberman: “There have been privacy concerns about the use of these whole-body imaging devices, but I think those privacy concerns, which are frankly mild, have to fall…”

He says that now, but Senator Lieberman’s tune will soon change after the ghostly image of his pee-pee and buns shows up on the internet.

Pete the Pointing Guy: “We have about 90 Yemenis left in Gitmo. They should stay there. They should not go back to Yemen. If they go back to Yemen we will very soon find them back on the battlefield.”

Okay, then we could shoot them, right? Send them back to Yemen, have a planeload of Delta Force guys paradrop on top of them, as soon as the Yemenis step off the plane onto Yemeni soil, blam. That’s got to be legal. They’re officially enemy combatants. There’s only ninety of them. How long could it take for our boys to mow them all down with Tommy guns? I don’t see the problem here.

Lieberman: “[Guantanamo] is a first-class facility, it’s way above what’s required by the Geneva convention or our Constitution.”

Except maybe for that one teensy-tiny insignificant part about indefinite incarceration without due process, or a right to a speedy trial. Other than that it’s so totally Constitutional that George Washington himself would bust a chubby over it.

Lieberman: “If we don’t act preemptively, Yemen will be tomorrow’s war.”

Am I presuming too much to hazard the guess that “acting preemptively” translates to “INVASION!”?