Wednesday, September 19th, 2012

If you want to make a comment about a blog post that will be deleted without being read, make your e-mail address “xfhtqwpdsa@hotmail.com” and in the subject line type something like “louis vitton handbags.”

Somebody’s got to get new spam bots. It’s like they’re not even trying.

delete me | 5:50 am CDT
Category: daily drivel | Tags: ,
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Friday, September 7th, 2012

I’ve gotten hit with a lot of spam from spam bots, but I have rarely seen a bot as ambitious as the one that showed up at drivel HQ this evening.

image of spam message

It goes on for three or four pages nesting key words and phrases on top of each other, enclosing them in brackets, interrupting them with vertical lines for whatever esoteric reason. Why the hell do they even bother breaking it up into paragraphs when it’s just a salad of words? There are freaking Chinese characters in there, for crap’s sake!

Hands-down, this is the spammiest spam I’ve ever been spammed with. I almost hated to delete it.

spammiest | 8:51 pm CDT
Category: daily drivel | Tags:
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Wednesday, September 5th, 2012

image of blog comment

Most of the comments I get here on the drivel blog come from spam robots. My loyal readers are a very reticent bunch, to the point that I don’t even know they’re out there. Really, I can’t even hear them breathing. But you’re out there, right? Right?

Spam robots generally have quite a lot to say. I’m amazed at how much they can squeeze into a comment box sometimes. And typically it never makes even the tiniest bit of sense. If I have to read any more than the first three words to decide whether or not it’s a valid comment, then it’s probably not from a spam bot.

Every once in a great while, though, I get a comment from a spammer like Glass Dildo here that just floors me.

“The day the routers died – who put the 4 inch nail in the circuit breaker and poured coffee over the servers? The Bastard Operator from Hell.” Wow. Who among us hasn’t dealt with an IT department that made us want to do that at least once in our lives? I almost didn’t want to delete it. Had to think long and hard about whether or not I wanted a link to Glass Dildo on my blog.

Whoops. Long and hard. I didn’t even mean to do that.

commentary | 6:26 pm CDT
Category: current events | Tags: ,
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Tuesday, June 12th, 2012

The spam robots have found my weakness. Every day, they post gibberish comments to my blog posts (spam robots are my most loyal readers) that are strings of random words, or sometimes they look like phrases and sentences pulled from internet search results. And then, yesterday, I got six or seven comments to different posts, and they were all about brewing beer. Some of them even made sense. And instead of having names and e-mail addresses like zxwxsqmxz@gmail.com, they had links to real Facebook profiles, most of them young children. And they were commenting on posts that had nothing to do with beer. So the spam robots are getting a little smarter, but they’re approaching that uncanny valley of appearing smart enough to seem stupid.

uncanny | 5:44 am CDT
Category: beer, daily drivel, entertainment, food & drink, hobby, homebrewing, play | Tags:
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Monday, January 3rd, 2011

I get relatively little spam (knock wood) compared to almost anybody else I know, either at home or at work, and the little junk mail I do get is what you’d normally expect: Invitations to help the crown prince of Namibia transfer millions of dollars out of their country, guarantees to make my manhood more satisfying to the lady in my life, that kind of thing. The e-mail I received today, however, is something totally other:

Dear Sirs:

I am kelly who is a salesman of shijiazhuang yongdi chemicals co., LTD. Thank you for spending 1 munites reading our mail. We avail ourselves of this opportunity to approach you for the establishment of trade relations with you. We are a leading company, handling the export of chemical products, including Ttinaium dioxide, lithophone, iron oxide, caustic soda, zinc acid and so on. Should any of the items be of interest to you, please let me know. We shall be glad to give you our lowest quotations upon receipt of your details requirements. Any questions, do not hesitate to contact us.

Best regards,
Kelly

Okay, wow. This is truly a first. I’ve never before been approached by a major Chinese chemical company seeking to open trade relations with me in the hopes that I will buy their rust. Isn’t that what iron oxide is? Rust? I didn’t know there was a market for rust. Wow.

Rust | 6:45 pm CDT
Category: daily drivel | Tags: ,
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