Tuesday, November 17th, 2015

I’m not sure if I’ve got this “TMI Tuesday” thing right, but here goes:

I love toast. I mean, a LOT. But not just any toast. Most people are oddly casual about how toast should be prepared. Whatever the total opposite of casual is, I’ve gone in that direction.

For a start, there’s no toaster in my experience that has been able to brown a piece of bread to perfection, so after dropping the bread in the slot, I usually stand by with my hand over the trigger and pop it every thirty seconds or so to make sure it’s just right.

Then, toast must be buttered, and the butter must be spread on the toast immediately after it comes out of the toaster so the butter will completely melt into the toast. There must be way too much butter on the toast, so that the toast looks like a sponge soaked in butter. And it’s important to spread the butter out from the center of the toast, with special attention paid to getting it all the way to the crust. There’s nothing worse than dry crusts on your toast.

If the toast is topped with honey, it must be thickly and evenly drizzled across the toast and, same as the butter, allowed to soak in before the toast is eaten.

If instead jam is the spread of choice, there must be more than enough of it. “Enough” as in “enough to make my stomach hurt.”

The only other acceptable topping for toast is sugar with perhaps a little bit of cinnamon dusted over it. Marmalade is never spread on toast.

Breakfast is ruined if these steps aren’t followed to the letter.

How’d I do? Too much information?

too much info number one | 7:00 am CST
Category: TMI Tuesday
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