Saturday, October 31st, 2015

In my dream, I could feel the earwax shift in my left ear, and I could tell that it was a lot of wax, because it blocked my ear enough to make the world seem just a bit more quiet.

I was talking to someone, so I waited for them to be distracted by something, maybe a passing giraffe, before I stuck my pinky finger into my ear as far as it would go and used my fingernail to scoop out a chunk of wax. It was the color of honey and thick enough to caulk a boat. I wiped it on my handkerchief.

There was still more in there, though. The world did not get any louder by scooping out that little blob, so the next chance I got, I gouged another chunk of wax from the deepest recesses of my ear. A much bigger chunk this time. It was so sticky that it kind of globbed together on the end of my finger, like tar or pine pitch. Or the snot of Satan. I had to work at wiping it all off my finger onto my handkerchief this time.

But I still didn’t get it all. There was still enough wax left in my ear to completely block it now. I couldn’t hear a thing with that ear. I was just about panicked to get it out of there, so I didn’t wait for anybody to be distracted by anything. I ducked my head and reached in as far as my pinky would go. I could feel a gooey glob with the tip of my finger. It got stuck on my fingernail so that I could slowly drag the damned thing out whole.

It was huge. I mean, a lot bigger than it should have been possible for a blob of earwax to be, but dreams are like cartoons: anything’s possible. Pulling it out was like slowly dragging a dead, sticky mouse out of my ear, and there’s no discreet way of doing that. I wrapped it up in my handkerchief with an embarrassed smile and a little roll of my eyes. Whaddar ya gonna do, eh?

waxy | 6:00 am CST
Category: dreams
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