Monday, October 26th, 2015

Some celebrity told a story on the radio this morning of the time he saw a ghost, a segment they introduced by asking rhetorically, “Are ghosts real? We’ll find out from so-and-so in a minute.”

Um? No. We won’t. First of all because he’s an actor, not a spiritualist (DAMMIT, JIM!), but even more obviously because there’s no such thing as ghosts, duh.

It’s not hard to figure out why. As I understand the concept, ghosts are leftover dead people. Correct me if I’m wrong. Some dead people go to heaven, some of them go to hell, and some of them wander the earth for reasons that are never clearly explained. Which is kinda the point of ghost stories, I get that.

But if ghosts were real, and a given number of dead people are ghosts, and a thousand billion people have died since the beginning of time, then the world would be jam-packed with ghosts by now. Assholes to bellybuttons. You wouldn’t be able to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night without surprising at least one or two ghosts on the way. Facebook would be nothing but photos of ghosts instead of kittens.

And yet, somehow, there are no ghosts in my bathroom, in my basement, or on my Facebook feed. I’ve never come across even one while walking alone through the woods. They’ve never gone “Boo!” at me out of a mirror.

I’m not saying they’re impossible. Okay, I am. There are no ghosts.

Where are the ghosts? | 9:41 am CST
Category: random idiocy
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