Sunday, April 7th, 2013

Is there a movie in which Jack Nicholson gets his head sawn off? Because I just had a dream that was an extended movie trailer for the sequel. In the original movie, Jack got his head sawn off while performing some rather questionable services. He appeared to be hiding under a pile of wet leaves that were heaped up in the back of a panel van, and Javier Bardem dragged him headfirst out of the pile of leaves and sawed his head off with a Bowie knife.

I guess that’s technically more cutting than sawing, but it was still pretty gruesome. You can trust me on that.

So that’s the setup. The movie trailer that was playing in my dreams was about a kid – he looked like Shia LaBeouf – who hatches a plan to go back in time, get Jack Nicholson’s head out of the trailer and reattach it to Jack’s shoulders so Jack can do really scary things to Javier. The kid slips up when he goes back, though, and Javier catches on to the plan. There follow lots of scenes Shia running down dark, rainy streets carrying Jack’s head in a plastic bag with Javier and his foot-long Bowie knife in hot pursuit. Eventually, though, Jack gets his revenge in the scariest, most Nicholsonian way imaginable, with Jack howling at Javier as blood spatters and things go squish. And that’s why I can’t go back to sleep now.

I’m pretty sure I could get rich as Rockefeller if I could get that movie made, or even the original movie that ended with Jack getting his head sawn off. Or both. Now, if only I knew how to make a movie.

Any ideas on how to plug the obvious plot hole that would keep viewers from asking why Shia doesn’t go just a little further back in time and get Jack out of the van before Javier saws his head off?

headless | 5:04 am CDT
Category: daily drivel, entertainment, movies, play, sleeplessness
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