Wednesday, August 31st, 2011

Sometimes during the commute to work we can drive for twenty minutes without saying more that three or four words to each other, and sometimes we can talk non-stop all the way. And sometimes, even though we talk a lot, it all comes down to one or two words. This morning was a two-word morning.

We were motoring up Atwood Avenue, approaching the Barrymore Theater, when a guy in a beat-up old Chevy P.O.C. nosed his car out into the traffic lane, looked right at me and decided that he might be able to squeak out ahead of me, even though I wasn’t any more than fifty feet away going thirty miles an hour. But second thoughts came to nag him even as he was goosing the gas pedal and, as his car jumped out from the intersection he immediately danced over to the brake pedal, stomping it to the floor. His car nosed over as the wheels locked, then rocked back and forth, back and forth.

He tried to appear very cool and collected even though his car was jiggling like Jell-O and My Darling B, who is usually off in a daydream for at least half of the commute, was pointing at him and yelling, “What the hell was that?” Her magic pointing finger can usually freeze even the largest marauding dump truck in its tracks but its magic didn’t work on this derp, and she didn’t quite know how to take it. “You butt-shit!” she yelled at him as we drove away.

I curse a lot at other drivers myself, but I favor old standards like “dickhead” and everybody’s favorite, “asshole,” because, in the excitement of the moment, I’ve rarely had the presence of mind to coin my own. Her inventiveness at this high-stress moment really impressed me.

“Butt-shit?” I asked her.

“I was going to call him butthead,” she explained, chuckling, “but that didn’t seem harsh enough. It’s almost an endearment, really. But I already got most of it out by the time I changed my mind so I tried to think of a better ending.”

And that’s how a new addition to my driving vocabulary was coined.

coined | 9:02 pm CDT
Category: commuting, My Darling B, O'Folks, work
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