Saturday, November 27th, 2010

image of cod milt

My Darling B visits many, many food porn sites every single day. She is a devoted, almost obsessively compulsive foodie, and that’s fine by me because those web sites give her the inspiration to do things in the kitchen that are deLISHous. It’s amazing to me, really, that she can throw together stuff that looks like weeds and guts and mush and which, in my hands, would turn into a gray smelly lump, but by the time she’s finished with it, it’s a gorgeous-looking, scrumptious dish that I stuff into my face with such lascivious pleasure that I know why foodies call it “food porn.”

She occasionally lets me watch over her shoulder while she’s ritually surfing her favorite sites. Not often, but every once in a while. I point and ask more questions than a two-year-old in a toy store while she’s clicking through the photos even though I can tell she just wants to surf, so I try to keep my visits to a minimum. Not only do I point and make yummy noises when she surfs past the good-looking stuff, I also point and gag loudly when she scrolls past a plate of something particularly revolting-looking.

“What’s that?” I asked last night, pointing and gagging at what appeared to be a bowl full of pus-filled intestines.

She paused long enough to read a few illuminating lines from the accompanying story out loud: “Cod milt, the sperm sac of various fish.”

*gag*

I’m so glad I’ve never been daft enough to say, out loud or to myself, Man, I could really go for a bowl full of plump sperm sacs from various fish. Doesn’t that sound like something they could put you in a padded cell for? I wouldn’t be at all surprised. I might even endorse it.

I wish I could meet the first guy who thought sticking that in his mouth was a good idea, because I need to grab him by the collar and shake him hard while shouting, “Why would you do that?&#148 He must’ve been really hungry. Like starving to death hungry. “Well, I’ve eaten the meat, the liver, the heart, the eggs, the eyeballs and the tongue … all that’s left is this thing, whatever it is, and I’m just hungry enough to stick it in my mouth without asking too many questions.”

Cod Milt | 9:31 pm CST
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