Sunday, October 24th, 2010

Tim came over last night and we all watched Iron Man 2, which was plenty of fun even though we had a few criticisms of it. “There wasn’t enough robot-shooting,” for instance, Tim pointed out, while My Darling B thought it was “practically all robot-shooting.” You can’t please everyone.

B also was confused about what Scarlett Johansson was doing in the movie and, simultaneously, she knew exactly what she was there for. “Is she supposed to be some kind of super-villain?”

“She’s a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent,” both Tim and I pointed out to B.

“She’s an excuse to get Scarlett Johansson in a skin-tight catsuit,” B shot back, dead on target.

I wondered why Mickey Rourke didn’t get shot in the head in the big fight at the end of the movie. He’s got a suit of armor so impregnable that even Tony Stark’s Iron Man blasters can’t harm him, so what does he do when he faces off for the final battle? He flips back his face mask so Tony can get a good look at his ugly mug, and stands there gloating so long that anybody, even a novice who’d never pulled a trigger before, could have blown his face right off with a scattergun loaded with bird shot. But Tony just stands there, waiting for the bad guy to make the first move. New Rule: Good guys who do this should lose. It’s tough love, but movie directors really have to stop doing this.

And the guys who write movie dialog really have to stop making the characters deliver lines as obvious and cumbersome as, “What ho! The bright white light on the villain’s chest has turned red and begun a frenzied blinking! Methinks the evildoer’s power system has been overloaded and soon may self-destruct! I say old pal, we had better remove ourselves to a distant location before we’re blown to kingdom come, toot sweet!” Yeah, couldn’t figure that out myself.

Why do the bad guys even have anything as obvious as red blinky lights on their booby-traps? Seems like a tactical error to me. If I were the bad guy, or writing about a bad guy, and I needed a last-ditch way to kill the good guy, I’d have all the lights on my suit / ship / killing machine fade and go dark, because playing dead makes sense. Too subtle for the action hero crowd though, apparently. Second of all: Death to any writer who dares to put words so obvious into the mouths of their characters, instead of a simple stage direction along the lines of, “Iron Man sees red blinky light, rockets the hell out of there as fast as he can,” I think most people could figure it out from there.

Otherwise, it was a fun movie, not as good as the first one but what the hell. We had fun poking holes in it, if nothing else.

Iron Man 2 | 11:40 am CST
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