Wednesday, November 7th, 2001

Remember how I’ve complained for years that my brain, against all reason, has squandered valuable memory neurons, or whatever they’re called, storing all the words and melody to the theme song from Gilligan’s Island? Well, guess what? I’m finally putting it to some good use.

Who hasn’t had a noxious pop tune stuck in their head? I used to play a game with Cal Thomas, a fellow I worked with, whenever this happened to me. I’d wander into the office, up to Cal’s desk, and say, “Got a tune stuck in my head.” He’d roll his eyes, knowing I wouldn’t go away until he asked, “Okay, go ahead and do it.” Then I’d hum or sing the first few bars of a tune he usually knew, and he’d pick it up at the next verse.

I’d heard this trick worked for one of Pete’s coworkers, and it worked for me, too. But I don’t have Cal to pass my tunes to any more, and B will cause me violent physical harm if I try that trick on her, so for years I’ve had to suffer this maddening mental malady on my own, and it’s gotten worse in recent years as pop music becomes more and more gut-wrenchingly awful.

During a recent bout of a particularly annoying rap “song,” though, I learned a new valuable trick: Whenever the offending tune started playing, I thought of the Gilligan’s Island theme, and discovered that my brain couldn’t play two tunes at once. After a while, I realized that I didn’t have to make the conscious decision to switch to Gilligan’s Island; it started all by itself to replace the annoying pop tune. Now I can train myself to start playing Gilligan’s Island to replace almost any annoying tune. The downside is, of course, that I have to listen to the theme from Gilligan’s Island for a while; sometimes I train my brain to play The Stars And Stripes Forever instead, just so I don’t end up a stark raving lunatic.

[Jeff Dominick replied:] It’s a little late to be concerned about that, my friend. If it helps, I also suffer from that same malady of getting songs stuck in my head. Believe it or not, the one that ends up there most often is God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. Not the words, mind ya, just the tune. I hate that song, I’m an atheist, and I really don’t like Christmas, so why that particular song??

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Category: daily drivel, music
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